Finding the Balance: Compliance vs. Independence

Published on LinkedIn, 07 October 2025

As parents, we often feel good when our child follows our instructions. It gives a sense of reassurance, maybe even pride, that things are going well and that we are raising a “good” child. Especially when it comes to our neurodiverse children, compliance can feel important, as it might seem to help them fit in better with the world around them.

But sometimes I wonder - do we, in our effort to ensure compliance, go a little overboard? Could our focus on following directions sometimes get in the way of nurturing an independent mind or a sense of self in our child?

My son is a teenager now and I have seen his desire to express himself long before. It often leaves me wondering: how far should I go in ensuring compliance when typical teenage behaviour sometimes borders on rebellion?

Maybe there’s a balance to be found between compliance and autonomy - a way to help our children follow the rules and norms needed to live in a community, while also encouraging them to make their own decisions and not remain dependent on prompts or instructions.

What do you think?

What helps you decide when to step back?

How do you promote independent thinking?

How do you find this balance in your parenting journey?